"Slavery, bondage, servitude refer to involuntary subjection to another or others. Slavery emphasizes the idea of complete ownership and control by a master: to be sold into slavery. Bondage indicates a state of subjugation or captivity often involving burdensome and degrading labor: in bondage to a cruel master. Servitude is compulsory service, often such as is required by a legal penalty: penal servitude." www.dictionary.com
Master is in control and slave has no control. So goes the belief and theory by which we in the bdsm lifestyle operate. But think about that.
The "reality" is that the slave can walk away at any point. If the master does something completely contrary to the slave's desire, the slave can simply call it quits and leave.
With that trump card, who's really in control? Sounds like the slave is. At least, it sounds like the master has some serious boundaries/ limitations placed on him/her, if s/he wants to remain the master. So again- if the master can't do absolutely anything that catches his fancy in regard to the slave, what does that really leave him as far as ultimate control? This is "consensual" slavery, after all.
But by the same token... If the consensual slave really wants to have his/her decision making power taken away and placed in the hands of Another - doesnt the same tailspin apply? If i want Reinar to make all the decisions, but Reinar has to decide based on what i want so that i dont leave- then isn't that just another way of me making the decision and thereby not getting what i want?
Despite the "reality" of our choice in life game- I think the key is finding people who are compatible enough, trust enough and trustworthy enough to hold the same beliefs and life outlook as you do. Choose the partner(s) who won't feel a need to push against your ultimate boundaries.
If that means you'd leave if someone told you to do scat play, don't choose someone who you think might have you do scat play. If it means you'd leave if someone told you to fuck someone you might find disgusting don't choose someone who you think might do that. If it means you'd leave someone who didnt want kids and you do... well, you get the picture.
If these underlying boundaries are compatible and everyone goes into the relationship with the trust and agreement not to breach them, then why should the "reality" of ultimate power ever come into question? And even if the slave *could* "simply" walk away, what if s/he knows s/he wouldn't?
Perhaps the real equality in the relationship is simply that the Master must trust the slave just as much as s/he trusts the Master; trust that the slave won't walk away, won't play the trump card, even if s/he can.... just like the slave trusts the Master won't breach their mutual boundaries, even if S/He can...
13 years ago
2 comments:
well said, and yes I think 99.99% of the people would agree, that in the end, the sub/slave/bottom, whatever you want to label them as, has the ultimate power, the ultimate veto, the ultimate control.
they give up control when they want, and they take it back or call timeout when they want.
so in this way, there is no difference between a complete stranger offering you advice that you either choose to listen to or not, and a person that you could have an eighth year relationship with, whom you have sworn to be their slave, and follow their every directive, again, you either choose to listen to them or not.
a close friend whom i went to and asked advice, said, its like at work, a boss tells you to do something, you either do it, or risk losing your job. in a relationship of ANY kind, its always that way, period.
so in the end, its all about trust, and whether that person and the things they are going to ask you to do, or tell you to do, is in your best interest, or not.
i think there's a huge difference between a complete stranger and someone you've had an eight year relationship with (like You and i have had). Spending eight years with someone, you get to know them fairly well (one would hope!), so the advice you can offer is much more personalized than a stranger's. Also, you've had eight years to build up trust between each other, and feelings that you're more likely to care for than a stranger would.
i'm sorry You're questioning everything now, and that Your heart is breaking again. i wish there were more i could do to quell both of those storms for You, LoveSir.
Post a Comment