3/25/09 horoscope

If you truly want to achieve harmony with a grumpy friend right now, you need to stop and get centered yourself. Stop doing what you think they want you to do and start just being real. When you strip away all the anxiety about what to say and how to act, you can see things much more clearly -- and the answer will be clear. And get ready to do more than your fair share to make things right between the two of you. When it comes to things like this, you can't go tit for tat. www.astrology.com

Funny. i just spent the last hour or so composing an email i'll most likely never send, just so i could get my thoughts down. Since i'm not sending it, i wasn't concerned with how it would be received. i suppose you could say my tone was more "real," like my horoscope says i should be... but what good will it do, since i'm not sending it? Perhaps that's my attempt to stay silent, since speaking most likely wouldn't improve the situation anyway.

i've been trying to talk, to clear the air, for at least a week, if not longer, but i see so much stress around this person that i haven't wanted to add to it. Yesterday i bit the bullet and asked to talk, but was put off. That's fine; i'm not sure what to say, really, i suppose. i mean, there IS a lot to say... but i'm not sure what difference it'd make, what good it'd do, how anything could/ would benefit the relationship. Like my horoscope says, it's not tit for tat at this point.

We're supposed to call "bullshit" on each other, but neither of us have. i wonder why that is. i guess yesterday's request to talk was my latest attempt... but again, why bother adding to the stress level, when it seems it's already so high that there'd be no point in hoping to address with reason anything i might bring up between us. It's funny, though, how the very person that called me on not calling bullshit in the moment i see it, hasn't lived by the same advice. Again, i can only chalk that up to stress level being too high to deal with what's probably low stress-man on the overly stressed stress-totem-pole... but is that really an excuse? Should i be trying to come up with one for this person, anyway?? Aren't there enough excuses lying around, to afford adding yet another deflection from responsibility?

It's funny how people create their own stress, then stress about how to get rid of their stress and about who they think created the stress for them... rather than focus on their part in what caused the stress and how to relieve it themselves. my stress relief has been to blog and journal about it. It's out of my system, for the most part, and i have to prioritize other parts of my life above this situation; perhaps they've done the same and that's why we're still unresolved.

Sometimes i wonder how/if my opinions are skewed way out of reality, and if the people i ask to verify my logic are too close to me or a given situation to give me an unbiased opinion... and then i fall back on my intuition again. Darn that un-provable inner voice! hahaha

Hmmm... i wonder if my horoscope's "what you think they want you to do" refers to me holding back, holding off on actually having a talk when i think they'd prefer to put it off indefinitely. Unfortunately, i'm not sure my words would bring harmony or a sense of reality and clarity to the recipient. When i put my words down last night i felt they were clear and it did (at least temporarily) relieve my anxiety... at least till i was wide awake at 5am today, realizing i needed to continue writing my words!... but i can't see how my words would become the magic needle to inject some sense into the situation. Maybe it's not about needing to make sense, but simply allowing the conversation partner a chance to get some things of their chest, especially if those things are directly about me. i can take it; bring it on if that's what you want to do.

Re: "do more than my fair share," i wonder what more i could do and what good it'd ultimately do.

And i can't help but wonder if this horoscope applies to the person with whom i've requested we talk, perhaps even more than it applies to me. i wonder if they're so wrapped up in the emotion of their own thoughts, of feeling victimized, that they can't get past it to see any potentially different approaches / viewpoints to any given situation that's caused their stress. i think that may be a huge part of what's causing the stress, if not a refusal to acknowledge their own sense of guilt or responsibility. Wow, really- the more i read and re-read the horoscope, the more i think it could apply to another.

i suppose, though, that until we talk, there's not much more i can do but continue to suppose! ha. i honestly dont even know if the person in question is a fan of my blog, if it'll ever been seen. Oh well, more supposition. lol

And, i suppose, horoscopes are really just for entertainment purposes- at least these general ones that we just find online. haha!

What the hell- i'm going to publish this cuz i'm tired of second guessing myself with worry over how my words will be received. Either you take them for what they are, or you have the balls to tell me what you really feel about them... What good has holding back done me, anyway, really??