"Did you put new cards in My backpack?"
"What cards, Sir?"
And then followed a brief but firm blow-up about how i should just answer the question and NOT follow it up with further questions or unneccessary worries. i think He'd already had enough of unanswered questions this weekend, and i am sorry i became a part of that disappointment.
Upsetting though it may be to bare the brunt of the blow-up, the logic was simple and true. Duh.
Why did it matter what kind of cards Reinar was talking about? Either i gave Him new cards, or i didn't. If i was worried about card types, i could've said, "Yes, Sir. i gave you a Valentine's Day card." Or, "No, Sir. i didn't put Your credit cards in Your backpack." Problem solved, question answered, worries alleviated.
And the absolute silliest thing is, somewhere, part of me knew what He was asking... He meant to ask if i had surprised him with a card for one of His trips because He wanted to be sure He didn't overlook something before He threw away the cards He'd already read.
Sigh.
When He asks a question, i need to answer without thinking. i need to give Him my "gut" feeling / opinion about the question. i need to NOT overthink what i envision He's trying to ask or what kind of answer He wants to hear.
So here comes my soapbox for the day:
A key to submission is that you need to be honest and open with and from yourself, so that this genuine information and mindset can more easily be transferred to the One who dominates. Without that open, honest exchange, then who is really submitting? And/or, what are you really giving of your true self?
Example:
We look at something whose color is up for interpretation. If He asks me whether it's blue or purple, i need to tell Him my honest (gut instinct, first response, etc.) opinion. "It's blue, Sir."
If i think He feels it's more purple, what good does it do Him, me, or our relationship for me to say, "It's purple, Sir," when i really think it's blue? i would be giving a false submission. i would be attempting to please Him while lying to myself. i would be appeasing Someone who expects honesty above appeasement.
It begs the question: Am i more afraid of losing a potentially wrong fit, than i am of facing consequences for being dishonest?
Or if i don't know what my opinion is but i give Him the opinion i think He has (or wants to hear), then doesn't the same logic apply? How can i give my opinion honestly, when i dont know what my real opinion is? i owe it to myself, to Him and to our relationship to figure out my own real opinion before i can answer His question.
*stepping off soapbox*
So, while i'm sorry for being the cause of a blow-up, the experience has given me a mode through which to sort out what i've been thinking of but hadn't known how to express. And for that, i am grateful.
Thank You, Love. And again, i apologize. :)
13 years ago
4 comments:
*steps back on soapbox, to elaborate*
If i try to be pleasing while i am dishonest with or ignoring myself, then i have caused the greatest displeasure possible. So why fight a losing battle?
If i am honest with myself, that will be the most pleasing- whether or not the information given causes Him hardship.
So I understand the part about giving an honest answer rather than just trying to say what the other person wants to hear - I think that's essential to any relationship, D/s or vanilla.
However, I don't see how this relates to the example in the first part of your post. That one doesn't seem to be about picking the honest answer versus the desired answer, it's about understanding the question being asked.
Hypothetical scenario #1: you put a new valentine's card in his pack, but when he asked you about cards (meaning valentine's cards), you had credit cards on your mind and answered simply "No, I didn't" (without specifying which cards you're talking about). Isn't answering the wrong question and causing a misunderstanding worse than asking for clarification?
Hypothetical scenario #2: same question, but you have no idea what cards he could possibly be talking about. Would "I don't know" be a more acceptable answer than "What cards?" If not, what would the acceptable answer be in this situation?
Scenario #1: "No" is not a truthful answer; it's a partial answer, because the scenario says i *did* put a new card in... i just was tunnel-focused when i answered "no."
Scenario #2: Again, what difference does it make about what kind of cards? Either i put some kind of card(s) in His pack or not. Period. And either i know i put them there or i did it while sleep walking (which i dont do), so i'd have to know if i did it.
Maybe there's a scenario #3: i put cards in there but forgot, so gave the wrong answer... in that case, i think i should be held responsible for my actions and remembering what they were... and that's a tough thing for me, because memory is VERY faulty at times. So, taking a moment to recall might be needed. But if that's the case, it's not a matter of over-thinking a situation for the intent of manipulation; it's searching my brain to be sure my answer is thorough, before giving a partial answer.
Clear as mud, right? lol
Don't get me wrong- i'm in no way condoning anyone should bite my head off for a simple (and relatively rare type of) misunderstanding. But at the same time, i dont immediately condemn someone for taking their frustration out on me, and i dont excuse myself of my agreed upon position in my relationship with Reinar. my immediate reaction to getting my head bit off was *not* an A+ shining example of submission and humility. LOL @ that! But when i took a step back to think about the big picture, and knowing Reinar as i think i do, i can understand what happened and i knew how to best diffuse the stress level, and i agreed with that method: to apologize for my part in adding to His stress.
Hmmm... this is an interesting topic, indeed!
i can see both of your points, and I think that the simplest anwswer is most often the best.
dont try to question which way the converstaion is going, or manipulate it into going a certain direction because of self imposed insecurities about a particular topic.
if someone asks you a question, give them the honest answer. if you dont think they want the honest answer, perhaps preface it with, are you sure you wish to know that?
Post a Comment